Today is office clean out day. Suffice it to say, I am not participating. No, it’s not because I am a grump and hate all things office, it’s because I already clean out everything involved with what I do over the summer. I know, I had to write a pointless Standard Operating Procedure for it.

What does make me grumpy is that they’ve made it into a party.
There are “guidelines” to this party though. Which are things people should be doing to create their zen office space every day anyway. Like, check your e-mail inbox. This quite possibly is the ONE day a year when these people do any actual work!
To top if off though is the coup-de-gras: Office Mad Libs. Yes, they’ve assigned everyone a category on a Mad Lib sheet, and I can only guess that we’ll have to read it out loud during our “holiday” (let’s be PC people) breakfast (that they’ll probably make us pay for ourselves) on Thursday where we’ll exchange gifts (that I didn’t buy but found in a closet somewhere) and be merry.
Excuse me while I go to the bathroom and clear my head.
The other thing that pisses me off about the “holllllllyyyyy days” are soccer moms and their big SUV gas guzzlers who pull out in front of you in traffic whether you invited them in or not. Nothing makes me want to punch a baby kitten more than women who do that thing where they shove the nose end of their vehicle in front of you and then wave frantically out the window and shout “CAN I GET IN HERE?!?!?!”. I usually pretend I’m too busy with something that is infinitely more interesting inside of my car then pay attention to them and I nudge forward as far as I can and when they try to get in anyway I plow ahead and then they honk and get mad and I don’t really care because they were so determined to get in front of ME and they picked the wrong person to do the wavy arm flail LET ME IN thing to.
Well, yesterday, imagine my non-surprise when someone tried to do this to the car in front of me. I grumbled a little bit because them shoving themselves in front of anybody puts them between me and the not so long light in front of me. But that’s when I took a good look at who was hanging out of the passenger window….a cancer patient. And yes I’m being totally judgmental here and assuming she was a cancer patient…but she was coming out of the medical building and well, she looked cancer patienty-ill. Which again, it’s very judgmental and horrible of me, I am well aware of this. But it really made me wonder, are people using their sickly relatives during the holiday season to get a good parking spot too? Are they taking their beloved death-bed-ones’ handicapped parking tags so they can park just a bit closer to get to those sale items first?!?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!?!
Alright, I’m still sorry for the passed judgement on the cancer patient, I do feel sorry for you and I’d put up a mean internal fight as to whether or not to let you in the space in front of me, but this is the HOLIDAYS and I’m supposed to be kind but let’s face it, we all just really want to punch someone in the gut or run over people in the parking lot.