I’m guilty of this. I totally make whatever useless and craptacular item that I’m selling sound much better than it is because I happen to be good at words and making gullible people want my shit. One thing I haven’t done though is fall into the “vintage” trap. Now, I have a bunch of really old shit. For instance, I found this old Beauty and the Beast “Belle” costume (the poor and homely Belle costume not the princess Belle one) that had been made for me on a Halloween a long time ago. Did I list it as “vintage” and try to sell it? No, I put it in a bag for the Paralyzed Veterans to come pick up because nobody needs a 5 year old girl’s costume like war veterans.

So do you know what I hate (besides everything)? I hate when I type in “vintage desk” into Craigslist and this comes up:

Hi, I'm an ugly old school desk that someone stole

Also, THIS:

"This office never made it to this decade"

And then there’s….THIS?!?!

"WTF I'm not even a desk! I'm BEANS! or something"

Ok, so maybe I was putting a little too much into this thing. Maybe I should search for “antique” desks or something, because maybe furniture can only be antique and not vintage, or at least desks. Desks are super special and stuck uppity and may have different standards..I don’t know and neither do the aforementioned beans (or something).

Dammit, anyway, looky what I found in the “antique” desk section:

"Say wha?? I am less of a desk than BEANS! I am unloved".

Also this:

Who the hell lives here? Kermit? I'm appalled at this paint color. Nevermind the dressing table which does not = antique desk

Look, all I’m saying is that I understand your need to be excellent bullshitters. Some of you (not me, I dream about it though) are lucky enough to get paid to be Grade A Bullshitters. You probably have a Friday evening happy hour group and some purple t-shirts or something. Let’s just be a little more careful when we’re (and I mean you, not me, obviously) posting desks on Craigslist huh?

**Photos courtesy of dumbasses on Craigslist.