There’s nothing I love more than riding in the elevator with a calorie counter. You know those girls. They obsessively look at the labels on the packaging of whatever they’re about to inhale. Which is, of course, one of the funniest parts because they’ve ALREADY paid for whatever they’re about to consume so they will always eat it anyway.

The only thing I love more than watching the widening of their eyeballs as they read the package is the sideways glance at what I’m carrying: a cup of lowfat yogurt and water. The eyeballs swiftly move from my yogurt to my water back to their packaging for further scrutinization. Then the moment of truth….

She shoves her Cheez-its in her mouth anyway.